There’s hardly anything better than the rush you get when you’re in a new relationship. You’re all smiles. You can’t stop thinking about the person. And you’re daydreaming about all the fun and adventures you’ll have together.
However, all relationships are a two-way street: it takes two people to make them work. If you’ve got a keen eye, you can spot some signs very early on in the relationship that show whether or not everything will turn out great or not. Today, we’re talking about the ‘green flags’ that people noticed about their partners and how that led to happy, healthy, and fulfilling relationships, as shared by the folks over on r/AskReddit.
Scroll down for some truly wholesome and insightful posts, dear Pandas! Upvote the posts that brought a smile to your face, and you can tell us all about how wonderful your partners are in the comments. Oh, and if you’re in the mood for some more wholesome relationship green flags, you’ll find them right here, in our earlier article about awesome loving people.
Dating expert Dan Bacon, the founder of The Modern Man, shared his insights about green flags in relationships with Bored Panda. We also had a chat about the opposite, too: red flags that you should definitely avoid if you want to have a fulfilling long-term relationship. Read on to see what Dan told us.
#1
Being able to discuss anything, even flaws, without them/me getting mad. Communication is the most important thing in a healthy relationship. (Love is just as important though, I guess).
Image credits: Todbringe98
Bored Panda wanted to get dating expert Dan's opinion on some of the green flags to look for early in a relationship. For starters, here are some of the signs that indicate things are on the right track if you're a guy who is going out with a woman: "She treats you well, loves you, cares about you, and is interested in your life. You don’t secretly think about leaving her for another woman," the expert told us what people should look for when taking an honest look at their partners, as well as themselves.
"She is your type physically and emotionally. Sometimes a guy isn't physically attracted to a woman, but she eventually grows on him due to them spending time together (e.g. coworkers, friends, talking for hours at a bar). In cases like that, his attraction for her will fade away in the relationship and it will end up feeling more like a friendship. Many guys get dumped in a relationship like that when the woman eventually tires of not feeling loved and wanted the way she wants to be," he said.
#2
I'd rather spend time with her doing nothing than doing something with anyone else.
Image credits: stephndunne
#3
Before my wife and I were dating, I very quickly noticed that she always invited the loners to join in the conversation. If she noticed someone we knew sitting alone she'd always extended an invitation to join or ask their opinion.
Image credits: CounterTouristsWin
Something else that's important is that your partner loves you the way you are. However, it's also vital that they inspire you to be a better version of yourself because of them. "When a man finds a woman that he is sincerely attracted to, she will often bring out the best in him and if he approaches the relationship correctly, he will also bring out the best in her. They will become better people because of the relationship and their life will improve greatly over time."
Meanwhile, the dating expert explained to Bored Panda what the green flags are that women look for in a man. A quality guy is someone who has honesty and integrity, is respectful and considerate, and is confident as well as determined. The cherry on top is that the guy is fun to be around.
#4
When the other ladies at my work place were airing their complaints about their spouses, and I couldn't think of a single thing to contribute to the conversation.
Image credits: ecmc
#5
It's the little things, really. Like he will always respond and pay attention to me when I called his name, even if it's for mundane stuff like me wanting to point out there's a snail on the pavement.
Image credits: pm_me_your_fancam
#6
I have an autistic sister. Shes currently 20 with the mental capacity of a three year old. Not everyone knows how to handle that. Well, 4 years ago when my girlfriend met my family, the two immediately became best friends. My girlfriend has always cared so much for my sister and would even sit with her while I wasn't home so my mom could go have a life for herself.To this day, my sister smiles and laughs like a mad man when she see my girlfriend. I don't know how much information she can retain but theyve always loved eachother, and I think my gf has had a huge impact on her life.
Image credits: noahlantz
Some of the things that should make your inner alarm bells go off include your partner not really caring much about you or your life. What's more, Dan stressed that some other red flags include habitual dishonesty, being less happy than you were before you met your partner, feeling a sense of awkwardness when you're around them, and lacking a spark between you two.
He added that people should be honest about themselves when it comes to their partners. A vivid relationship red flag is when your partner is "not really your type and you’re just with them for now, or for something to do." He said: "As a result, you likely won’t feel motivated to put in the effort required to make a relationship work in the long run."
#7
He can laugh at himself.
Image credits: Travel_The_World
#8
I grew up in an angry, volatile home. Anything could make the “adults” snap and go on a rampage.When my then boyfriend, now husband, and I came home to find a major leak in the bedroom ceiling, which had leaked all over the bed and caused significant damage, he just flatly said, “Well, sh*t.” And called the building manager. No screaming, no throwing things, no blaming anyone, just a calm acceptance and then action to rectify the problem. We’re going on 16 years married and 20 years together.
Image credits: ChockBox
#9
I confessed about my anxiety disorder and he didn't use it to his advantage or make me feel broken or guilty for it.
Image credits: unfollowingyou
Open and honest communication lies at the core of any good romantic relationship, as do boundaries. Both partners need to respect one another and be genuine in their affection. Believe it or not, relationships are a lot of hard work: things don’t simply fall into place without putting in the effort.
Relationship and self-love coach Alex Scot explained to Bored Panda during a previous interview that transparency is vital for the long-term health of relationships.
"If it can affect your partner or family, there absolutely should be transparency. Whenever in doubt, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and ask yourself what you would like if you were in their situation," Alex said.
#10
The first time we had sex I got my period and didn’t realize until we were done and I went to the bathroom to pee. It wasn’t a ton of blood but I know it was enough to have gotten on him and the sheet. I walked out of the bathroom and he was standing in the doorway of the room and said something like “is everything okay? Did you get your period or something?” And then we both smiled big and started cracking up and he was totally cool and sweet. The next morning he invited me to go sheet shopping with him because he “needed new ones anyway and wants me to like the ones he picks”.That was about 9 years ago.
Image credits: addicted_to_blistex
#11
Evaluating my needs, something as simple as offering me some of their water after getting it for themselves.
Image credits: Yivo9
#12
Early on, she encouraged me to be more like me. Things that other people in my life didnt like about me or things that my ex told me not to do, she would embrace. things like taking risks on new hobbies, seeking attention in conversations, my particular humor; she liked these things about me.All of that, and of course dat a*s! - Truth.
Image credits: Sexy_Sideburns_Guy
"If it wouldn’t impact them, then you have the option of keeping it to yourself. The difference between privacy and secrecy is that secrecy has a sense of shame, guilt, or knowing that your partner or family member wouldn’t be ok with whatever took place,” the relationship expert pointed out to us that this is how you can gauge if you should be honest or not.
According to Alex, rebuilding lost trust is “always a challenge” in relationships. Once it’s been broken, it will take time and effort to rebuild it.
"For smaller offenses, it will take less time, but for larger offenses, be prepared to be overly transparent for a time and hire a therapist or coach to walk you through the process. Trust takes consistency to rebuild and consistency equals effort over time,” she explained.
#13
I hate being tickled, but am very ticklish. She discovered it early in the relationship, and I asked her once to not tickle me. She has never tickled me again in the following 10 years. Just shows respect.
Image credits: Sir_Loin-Steak
#14
We trusted each other to go out alone and have fun with friends of the opposite sex. No jealousy, just faith that you'd do the right thing.Source: with her for 14 years and marries for 9.
Image credits: dirtyw82
#15
I noticed that people genuinely liked him, even strangers. And he’d smile at babies.
Image credits: Electronic-Worry4666
#16
Before my first marriage, I often thought that maybe I should cancel the wedding... And the marriage didn't work out.I never had that thought going into my second marriage. Not one, single time.
That's a pretty hardcore green flag, right there. And obviously, potentially a red flag, too, if you're entertaining a fair amount of doubt prior to a wedding.
Image credits: theundercoverpapist
#17
Being around him recharged me instead of draining me like most social interactions do.Together ten years and getting ready to announce our engagement!
Image credits: Rat_of_Sunshine
#18
My partner never made fun of me or acted condescending when I didn't know something. They were also humble when it came to gaps in their knowledge too.
Image credits: frustrated_away8
#19
I was able to express my emotions and thoughts without him getting angry or judgy. He fearlessly lets me have my feelings without trying to change them, we talk them out and it feels so much better afterwards. I feel like I could tell him absolutely anything, so the trust between us is more solid than I’ve ever had with anyone else.Gah, he’s just the best.
Also hot af.
Image credits: MissIscariot
#20
I have Crohn's disease and was always kinda ashamed to be with someone, even if is just for a night. When I started dating her I thought I won the lottery. Zero fear of what she would think becouse she was always so good to me and supportive, even in the bathroom. Best girlfriend ever.
Image credits: Cigbraz
#21
She isn't afraid to have a different opinion than mine, but she always hears me out and she ALWAYS supports me.Every time I phrase something about myself in a negative way, she reframes it for me in a different light and more often than not it pulls me out of a dark mood. In my previous relationship I felt awfully critiqued for just being the person who I was, and that critique would often make me feel guilty for not meeting the standards set for me by my SO. Now that I've got a partner who celebrates who I am, I realise all along that I've been holding myself back from just doing what makes me happy.
Image credits: djkmart
#22
Sex was not transactional.We don’t have to have sex because he took me out to dinner or I want something done around the house. We have sex because we want to have sex.
I also don’t get tired of being around him. I could hang out with him all day and night for weeks on end and never need a break, he’s my best friend.
#23
After 20 years of marriage he still accepts me 100% yet makes me want to be a better person.#24
She was always happy to hear about the things I did that I was proud of, even if they were objectively stupid or trivial.#25
First date we were making out and I let out a really gross fart slip out on accident. She deada*s looks me in the eye, rips one, and says, "Top that motherf**ker."Been married for 13 years.
#26
After cooking me a fantastic dinner after which we watched the playoff game, she asked me to spend the night as we had both been drinking quite a bit. She made it abundantly clear that sex was not an option and she only wanted to be sure I was safe.#27
Weirdly specific but my now partner and I were in the kinda friends kinda dating stage when COVID in the US blew up, our university went online, and everything just generally went to sh*t. I have bipolar and it sent me into a really bad depressive spiral. He dealt with it amazingly - stayed with me when I needed it despite me being a useless lump, respected when I didn’t want to talk/do anything, helped me with the gross part of depression (aka lack of showering), etc. It was above and beyond and I never would’ve expected that kind of treatment from anyone let alone someone I had met a month ago. Thankfully on meds now and don’t expect/want to face that ever again.#28
It was instantly easy to talk to her. I never felt like I had to put on a show for her because she never did with me, and she actively affirmed me in that.She immediately blew every standard I thought was high enough out of the water.
#29
She had a lot of active, long-term, stable friendships. She was still close with several friends who she'd had since childhood, high school, college, etc, despite having moved inter-state multiple times, and she was still making new friends.Keeping friendships active takes a lot of traits that are important in a relationship partner: good communication, being able to articulate your feelings, empathy, etc.
The only downside in having a partner like that is that their guest list at your wedding is huge!
#30
He's kind to others, I've never heard him talking ill of someone, even now and we've been together 6 years. He encourages and supports me to do my best and follow my dreams, even if that makes things tougher for him for a while (he supported me while I was/am studying). We both have the exact same stupid sense of humour and he makes me laugh every single day. He's basically just a male version of me without the crippling depression and I know he would do anything for me.#31
He enabled me to face my fears, not by pushing me but by being the ultimate "safe space" enabling me to take emotional risks and grow mentally. Right from the beginning I could trust him totally.#32
I never once checked on him, worried about him cheating, or felt that jealous uncertain churning in my stomach. This was very new for me at the time and hasn't changed.#33
When I saw how supremely unselfish he is. He does things for people with absolutely no expectation that anyone return the favor to him, he just does things to help people.He really is a special person. I’ve never met anyone like him. I always hoped someone like him existed but kinda thought it was a dream to think that. To find someone who loves me for me and who I feel is just my equal partner is just the bees knees.
#34
he's funny af. Like cant breathe, weak with laughter funny.#35
If she did something mean or unthoughtful and I brought up that it upset me she would talk it through and if she was wrong, she would apologize. If it was just something I misunderstood then she would take the time to explain it and the issue was resolved. Also she brought me my favorite chocolate or other things I mentioned without me ever asking, just because. Man I really love her so much its ridiculous.#36
Just being clear about how important you are to them. If you're several months into a relationship and mutually monogamous, there should never be a time when you're sitting at home wondering whether you'll hear from them and how high (or low) on their priority list you are. If they're flaky, it's not working.#37
Within the first 5 minutes of meeting my mum (who has hated every guy I've introduced her to) she said "Well he's better than the last one." By the end of the night she said she loves him and to never let him go.Having people around you notice how happy you are with them and the change in yourself is crazy and enlightening. I knew I was happy but I didn't think it was so noticeable to some people who I very rarely see.
#38
He comes from a very different background to mine, I love theatre and museums and galleries. He’d never even been to a show. He made a point of taking me to do everything I loved doing, even when it was weird to him. He also invited me to rugby matches and cricket games with him to learn about what he was into. And lastly, I’m a veggie, so he started ordering plant based meals when we were out (I love sharing food because I hate picking one thing from a menu), and learning to cook food I can eat - no judgement or expectations to change.#39
We instantly became our weirdest, most authentic selves around each other. We also went to the same church before covid and never knew. Then over covid we matched on bumble. When church opened back up we were introduced to each other by an older couple at church. Its destiny or something like that#40
Right from the first date, I had a good feeling.We have really similar tastes. He could stomach embarrassing the hell out of himself and roll with it. Similar humour, willing to listen. We could talk and talk forever. Politically speaking, I lean fairly liberal whereas he’s more libertarian, so we balance each other out.
We’ve worked out some toxic traits that we brought to the relationship, and we are always striving to grow together as a unit. We moved in together fairly quickly, around four months after we started dating. I was escaping a toxic home life, and he stepped up to the plate, took a leap of faith with me. I never forgot it.
We lived in a studio apartment at first, so there were no doors to slam. It was one hell of a crash course in cohabitation and conflict resolution. We came out of that situation much stronger for it, but I know that lack of privacy/space can break a couple.
We’ll be celebrating six years together in January, and got married two and a half years ago
#41
His apartment that he lived in alone was clean and neat and looked like a home. Like, not that "I just cleaned the place for the first time in months" look but "I'm a neat person in general" look. He'd also made a lasagna from scratch for our date.For me, the fact that he was a grown man, living on his own and he knew how to keep his place clean and to cook was a green flag. This was not a man I was going to have to "mom" or argue about the disparity of chores.
My exhusband was the exact opposite so it was a breath of fresh air.
#42
My son was two when my boyfriend and I got together, and after a few months he met my son. He didn't warm up to him in the first couple of months, and it really weighed on my boyfriend.After I put him to bed one night, my boyfriend was quietly crying and told me how concerned he was that my son just didn't seem to like him. I explained that since his bio dad was never around, he didn't have a lot of men in his life, and I think he saw him as competition.
Fast forward to now, my son is six, and they're inseparable. My son considers him his dad, and we've talked about my boyfriend adopting him when we get married.
#43
She gets excited for me when I'm excited about something.#44
Things that were most important to us really aligned. Politics, lack of religion , that we wanted children, quality over quantity, good food, the environment, live and let live etc.#45
We could have fun or make a date out of any thing, errands, laundry day, cleaning, etc.#46
Always felt excited to see him.#47
I can fall apart with him and feel supported.#48
He doesn't add stress.#49
Didn't minimize or invalidate my emotions.#50
He loves my body, my face, my personality everything- he loves even all my insecurities like my wide nose and big belly.#51
She apologises when she thinks she's screwed up, and honestly tries to change.#52
She regularly tells me she loves me exactly as I am.#53
Showed real efforts in trying to improve/grow from their own traumas or baggage.#54
She tells me when there is an issue so that I can work on it, rather than sulking or going uncommunicative.#55
They accepted when they made mistakes.#56
She wants us to be equals in our relationship. Which means if things need to be unequal in one way or other, we work on balancing it out.#57
I've never been able to be as completely myself before, as I can be with her.#58
He drove 2 hours on his birthday to pick me up when my mom abandoned me in a parking lot, brought me home, and sat with me while my parents and I tried to talk things over. My stepfather started screaming obscenities at me for no real reason, he helped me pack everything I owned in his truck and I moved in that night. After dating for two months. It's been two years, and we got married last month#59
She didn't try to change me, even the things about me that she wasn't so keen on.#60
He stayed up late to quiz me before an important test and to keep me company when my laundry needed to be done twice even when he had work the next day#61
We met when we were 21 & he was born & raised in small town Alberta. He casually said something was “gay” & I was like hey, that’s not cool. Later that night we were out with 3 of his dude friends when one of them said something was “gay.” My now-husband stopped his friend & explained why they shouldn’t use that word anymore. I knew right then he was a keeper. He’s always been really receptive & open-minded even though he was raised in a place that isn’t known for those values.#62
I’ve (26M) been in abusive relationships before this, and it was not until this partner of mine that I really understood what it was like to be in a completely happy, safe relationship. I knew that I wanted to spend more time with this girl the instant I saw her, and by the time we met a second time, we were already joking about marriage. Soon enough, it wasn’t a joke. We listen to each other and respect each other. If something is getting too much for me, I still have the ability to tell her and for her not to feel bad about it. She goes out of her way to try the games and shows that interest me, even if they’re out of her comfort zone. She actively asks me what I want to do and she’s perfectly happy to do them, simply because they’re with me. More than anything, it’s more that we both have this solid idea in our head that whatever we do, ultimately we want to be with each other. There’s no doubt, or suspicion, or feeling that doom is just around the corner. We want each other, and we’re willing to work for it. And I think this is the first time I haven’t had to settle for someone loving me less than I love them. Because when you love someone, it’s not wrong to want them to reciprocate what you’re doing and feeling.#63
She cares about me. Whenever I feel down she cheers me up in her own way. She tries to solve my problems with realistic approaches and takes them serious.#64
She supports me in everything I care for, except when an idea sounds very unrealistic/idiotic (which happens sometimes and I am willing to admit).#65
She is extroverted, I am introverted. She totally accepts me being quiet in front of others and has yet to be negative about it.#66
Ease at being yourself... that opens the doors for the rest.#67
When we met for the first time, she shook my hand with hers sticky from strawberry syrup. No hesitation. Talked for three hours. Boom. Done. Married since ‘94.#68
We'd been dating for about a month, one day out of the blue he turns to me and goes "I could take apart and clean the drain pipes under your sink if you want. I noticed the sink is a bit slow to empty". Completely unprompted. That's when I knew he's a man who wants to build something with me.#69
we just clicked and it felt peaceful.#70
We could disagree on certain topics or values without killing eachother#71
We laugh together about ridiculous things happening, rather than one of us getting mad about it.#72
She was able to apologize if she said something that upset or annoyed me.#73
She laughed at my dumb jokes (sometimes I can tell she's just humoring me, but it's still very sweet of her to do that).#74
If you ever feel uncomfortable discussing something with them, or you say something and they react negatively, there’s something wrong.Which also means that if you can talk to someone and get / give a second chance that’s healthy communication and a strong sign you can work together and work out differences. If you can communicate, you can love.
#75
Whenever we see someone b*tching about their SO bringing up sh*t from the past we just laugh because we communicate and get past our sh*t.#76
She listened to what I had to say, and complimented when she thought it was a good point, or politely and calmly disagreed.#77
She would do anything for me and defy all odds if she has to. She is literally the best.#78
She acknowledged my feelings and didn't usually ignore or disparage them (and if she did she was quick to apologize).from Bored Panda https://ift.tt/yDmMF4U
