55 People On Reddit Are Sharing The Weirdest And The Most Hilarious Things They’ve Heard People Saying In Their Sleep

Did you know that sleep talking is one of the most common abnormal behaviors that can happen during sleep? Formally referred to as somniloquy, this disorder characterizes talking while sleeping without being aware of it. And it can be so. much. fun. Well, maybe not for the person who's doing the talking, but rather the one who gets to hear it. Because let's face it, people say the funniest things while sleep-talking (or sometimes, the creepiest). So, when one Reddit user asked people on the platform to share the gems that they heard from their sleep-talking or sleep-walking partners or family members, the thread blew up instantly. So many stories! So much hilariousness! There were pleas to stop putting bread in someone's ears, songs about a "corner cat" and so many more things you'll have to read for yourself.

Scroll down below to read the full list and don't forget to vote for the entries you liked the most! In addition to this, we're encouraging you to share any funny/creepy/weird/etc. stories you have on sleep-talking or sleep-walking in the comment section!

More info: Reddit

#1

Heck yes. Please take a seat.

My wife was an avid sleep talked for a long time and her midnight announcements range from simple single words to elaborate speeches. The ones that really stand out to me are:

Waking up in the middle of the night to her suddenly sitting violently up in bed, throwing back the covers, and screeeeaaaaming: “TARANTULA!!”. That will make you very awake, very quickly.

Whispering my name repeatedly which woke me up so she could share in a hushed, cautious voice: “There is an alligator in here.” When I expressed my concern (playing along) she told me, still whispering, that: “It’s okay. It has been here before.”

But my all time favorite was when, from her perspective as she later explained, she was dreaming that I was playfully sneaking up on her and she saw me and was calling me on it. From my perspective, my wife sat up in the middle of the night, starting into the darkest corner of the room and said repeatedly in a soft sing-song voice: “I seeee youuuu.” My flipping blood froze.

#2

So this one time while my s/o was sleeping, she randomly reaches over and starts to pet my leg softly. When I ask her what she’s doing she looks at me like I’m stupid and says “what does it look like? I’m petting this fluffy baby penguin.” Then pauses for a second, pats my leg again and blurts our “Wait this isn’t a penguin!” I have never laughed so hard over someone talking in their sleep

#3

my boyfriend once blurted out “you’re putting BREAD in my ears” in his sleep, mumbled something unintelligible and then followed up with “and i’m becoming a SANDWICH”. still makes me laugh whenever i remember

#4

He farted very loudly and proceeded to say, “you got the wrong guy”

#5

My boyfriend woke me up the other day by gently putting his fingers in my mouth and I kept moving my head out of the way until eventually I was like “can you stop that!!!”

He then sounded genuinely upset and asked why I woke him up as he was having a really nice dream about feeding a deer. Brilliant.

#6

My husband and I got married just 3 months ago and I found out he's a notorious sleep talker. Some nights he would roll over to me, kiss me full on the mouth, tell me he loves me, then plonk right back on his pillow and start snoring again(this actually happens regularly, much to my delight lol). Other nights he would blurt out things like how he would install a new server at the sherrif's office, or there's a snake on his palm and when I asked what it's doing he answered that it's coding something.

I now enjoy staying up late and am a proud owner of several recordings of my husband's sleep talkings. Recently, I got him answering math questions and it tickled me silly how he got them all correct.

#7

Napping with the boyfriend, a loud noise wakes me, but hes still out

me: What was that?!
him: Either a tree or a magic eraser

#8

Not a partner but in military training and school I often took the night shift for guard duty. The amount of sleepwalkers and talkers is way higher than I expected. It is straight creepy when you have to walk down the halls with a covered flashlight listening to big-ass grown men mumbling and lashing out in their sleep.

What takes the cake though is often sleepwalkers will just kinda stop randomly. So you'll be walking along in the pitch-black darkness and suddenly there is just a [damn] dude standing there. Eyes generally closed, or worse... open, just kinda listing to the side or leaning against a bedpost or wall. After I'd suppress all the swear words I was about to yell out; nothing much to do but kinda prod them along back to their bed. For all the randomness that is being part of the military, I really didn't expect one of my jobs to be gently tucking my fellow soldiers back into their beds.

#9

I'm the sleeptalker here; got this from my wife the next morning.

Me: sits bolt upright They're coming. Everything's ready.

Wife: sleepily huh?

Me: They're coming. Everything's ready.

Wife: They're coming?

Me: Mmm hmm.

Wife: But everything's ready?

Me: ... yes

Wife: Sounds like we're ok then.

Me: Comically flops back down and instantly goes back to sleep.

#10

This actually happened last night, my fiance started talking to me like we had never met before and after a minute I realized that she was dreaming about our first date. It was really wholesome and I was surprised at how much detail she remembers.

#11

Ex-roommate talked in his sleep. Once, he cried out, "NO GANDALF!"

#12

Sigh; my boyfriend either recites postcodes (delivery driver) or calls the dog in his sleep. So either he is mad no one is responding to his postcode nonsense or I get a flying 30kg dog to my body

#13

Fantastic sleep songs with lyrics which are utterly bizarre. My two absolute favourites have been

"Oh whoa whoa, it's a corner cat"

"Obey my rules, an' you'll always be, a country cowboy" - repeated about 5 times and finished with a "yeaaahhhh."

#14

My wife started screaming one night that she was lost in the local grocery store. And that no matter where she went she couldn't find her way out. I asked her has she tried checking out at the cash registers? She then looked at me and said in her most sincere voice, "that's why you are the smartest person I know." And she rolled over and fell back asleep.

#15

I remember one night mum and I sat in the hallway giggling because my brother and dad were having a sleep conversation in different rooms.

Dad : “DO YOU SELL STEEL HERE?”

Brother : “CAN I HELP YOU DAD?”

Dad : “I WANT TO BUY SOME STEEL”

Brother : “WHAT?”

Dad : “HOW MUCH IS THE STEEL”

#16

My grandfather was a hard sleep talker , my grandmother has a funny story.

One day my grandfather while sleeping was saying" do i punch this asshole" my grandmother replayed yeah punch him then my grandfather in his sleep punched her.

#17

Lmaoo one time, my ex was asleep and start to snore progressively loud. He startled himself half awake, and he says out loud (to himself) "shut UP, I'm sleeping". Oh I snorted my drink through my nose

#18

My wife was mumbling a lot and suddenly shouted "DONKEY KICK!" as she kicked me in my shin, so that was fun.

#19

We were freshly married and living overseas. My husband hadn’t had much sleep the nights before, which usually enhances any sleep talking. It was hot in our room. My husband mumbled something which I didn’t quite catch. I asked him to repeat it. He got up, opened the bedroom window and said very pointedly “Air flow, B**ch!” then laid back down, completely asleep. Now, my husband has never, not once, ever called me a name or even raised his voice to me, so this is particularly hilarious.

Also, this happened before Breaking Bad was a big thing, so maybe my husband is the original Jesse Pinkman? Except without all the meth and mayhem, of course.

#20

I'm the sleep talker.

A long while back my fiancee was working a job where she didn't get home until after midnight.

She came home one night, and was leaning over the table on my said of the bed.

She swears up and down that I looked up at her, smacked her on the top of the head, and when she asked what the hell that I told her I was checking to see if she was a ghost.

Now, I do remember having a dream like this, but in my dream my hand did go through her head, proving she was a ghost.

#21

My aunt likes to tell the story about her and my cousin sharing a hotel room one time. My aunt woke up having to pee, and found my cousin sitting up in bed with her arms folded across her abdomen, kind of rocking back and forth and giggling quietly. When my aunt asked her what she was doing, my cousin said, “I’m holding a baby and it has an adult smile!”

I found this story deeply unsettling.

#22

I woke up one night when my husband started flailing around in the bed. It shocked me and I shouted “what’s wrong?” Then he punched me in the face. I yelled out and started crying, then he woke up and shouted “what’s wrong?” He dreamt he was being chased and then turned round and punched them.
My mum who is in her 80s, often falls asleep in her chair while I’m visiting her. She sleep eats. Not real food but she goes through the motions of holding a plate and bringing food to her mouth. It’s hilarious watching her. I asked her once if it was nice and she said yes it’s very tasty.

#23

my mom tells a story about a time she fell asleep with her arm above her head. it lost circulation and dropped onto her chest but she had no feeling in it since it “fell asleep”. when it flopped on her chest she woke up and tried to throw her asleep arm, screaming that a dead hand had fallen on her.

#24

He started shouting that he couldn’t feel his left arm. I pointed out he was pinching his pillow, not his arm. He then freaked out that he had lost his arm. I pointed out his arm was UNDER his pillow. He said ok and started snoring. It took me another hour to get back to sleep. He didn’t wake up at all.

#25

My girlfriend once yelled in her sleep "no No NO you SPUNKY LESBIAN"

I'm a dude

still tease her about it

#26

Years ago, my wife was mumbling in her sleep and seemed a bit upset. I wanted to comfort her, without waking her up too much, so I said, "Honey, you're fine. Do you know where you are?"

She slugged me in the arm, and said "I'm in place where punch buggies are seen first." She then rolled over and muttered to herself, "chugga-chugga-chugga-buggy", and went back to sleep.

She didn't remember a think the next morning.

#27

He got up, went into the kitchen and ate one bite of a mini pecan pie - no fork, just a straight bite - then apparently remembered he hates pecan pie and left it stacked neatly on the little box.

Another time he sat up and stared straight ahead at the wall, didn't respond to me asking what was wrong. He stood up, walked into the wall, then stood there like he was contemplating the barrier. He just backed up exactly as he came, sat down and swung back into bed like nothing happened. That was creepy.

#28

My girl woke up one night and said "Did you find your rocks?" and I asked her what she was talking about and she said "I don't know, I'm just trying to make conversation." and promptly went back to sleep.

She has no recollection of this.

#29

My mom sleepwalks sometimes. When she was in the middle of her residency, she came into my room in the middle of the night and sharply asked, "Did you give {patient} her dose of {medication} like I asked you to 15 minutes ago?"

I groggily replied, "Who? Wha?"

She just huffed and said, "Well I guess that answers my question." Before turning around and leaving. (without closing the door of course)

She didn't remember a thing about it the next morning.

#30

My brother did that in the middle of the night. He would get up, go into the living room, say some nonsense [crap] to our parents and go back to bed. It was actually pretty creepy the first times, because he was like: “They ARE in the walls. THEY ARE!”

#31

Roommate freshman year of college was a sleepwalker/sleeptalker. We were in the freshman dorms, small little room. I woke up one night and saw him sitting straight up on the side of the bed just staring at me (eyes fully open) just talking gibberish about golf. He was going on about Phil Mickelson or some [crap]. Have to be honest, it was creepy as all hell because he was staring directly into my eyes. Next morning, I told him about it and he just laughed and said, sorry, I tend to do that from time to time.

#32

A friend who was next to my room in a high school dorm used to sleepwalk. He also used to sleep earlier than the rest of the floor. So one night, around midnight, we all were up and talking(in my room), except him(he'd gone to sleep). We were kinda worried that the dorm advisor would cut our chill session and tell us to go to sleep.

Suddenly, we hear someone banging on the door of the room. I get up to go open it and as soon as I turn the handle, the door comes FLYING towards me. I was knocked back into a table and standing there was my sleepwalking friend.

He says, "Where is the secret of the time?", and without waiting for an answer, walks back to his room, climbs into his bunk bed(top) and goes to sleep. Needless to say we were all surprised but being teenagers, we never let him forget it. It became a running joke in the school.

#33

I have had funnier experiences than this one, but cannot remember exactly what was said... most recently, though:

My boyfriend scoots over to me to big spoon/little spoon, and I snuggle in, thinking that’s all it was, then he gets real close to my ear and whispers, “Just so you know, there’s something in the closet. Like a... a cartoon turtle.” I did my best not to bust out laughing and just said, “Ok honey!” When he woke up, he had no memory of it whatsoever, of course!

#34

Husband woke up in the morning and told me about a crazy dream he had: we were hosting a party and he was serving cookies. He was upset that nobody was eating them. When we went downstairs, we discovered a full plate of cookies sitting on our dining table.

#35

One night, my boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night, tapping me on my shoulder. He put his finger on his mouth, whispered "shush" to me, then pointed at the door and told me "I can hear something, don't move". Predictably, I nearly [crap] my pants. All the worst possible scenarios crossed my mind, and the moment of silence after he shushed me felt like hours. Then, he started waving his hands and talking about tetris, 'the twirlies' (idk), and making sure we don't align... And that's how I learnt my boyfriend talks in his sleep.

#36

My husband once sat bolt upright on bed an announced. "You're not working hard enough. I have to fire you" and went back to sleep.

#37

My wife was in her finals week, so she woke up in the middle of the night telling me she discovered a way to study while sleeping.. so I asked her how, and she closed her eyes and went back to sleep...

#38

When I was a child about 5 years old, I was sleeping in my parents bed for some reason (probably a storm). Mom was awake, dad and I were asleep. Suddenly my father and I have this cross-sleep conversation while my mom lays between us, quietly freaked out:

"Dad, you better not take my toys!" I mutter angrily.

"Ok, I won't" my father responds.

"Don't even touch them."

"Ok."

Not particularly scintillating conversation, but notable for the fact that were both asleep and still responding to each other. It was like making Alexa and Siri talk to each other lol

#39

Not a partner but...1 o'clock in the morning I got a phone call from my friend in the next street. My 6 year old daughter had just knocked on her door and then walked in mumbling about not being able to do her sums! I raced up there and walked home with her, put her back to bed and she didn't wake up or remember a thing the next day.By the next night our house was like Fort Knox!!!

#40

My dad used to sleep pee when I was a kid. I learned to check the bathroom floor before I entered. My mom also once caught him in the basement. They have a hole cut into the cement floor next to the washing machine for the sump pump. He was peeing into the sump pump hole. She asked what he was doing and he said "Hole number 11."

#41

My girlfriend was sleep working one night.

Her: "Can we get that done this week?"

Me: "Huh?"

Her: "Can we get that done this week?"

Me: "Sorry?"

Her: "Can we get that done this week please?"

Me: "Ok"

Her: "Thanks"

#42

My one claim to sleeptalking fame is that as I was waking up I was talking in my dream, so my partner heard me say, out of nowhere, “What about like... a really tall giraffe?”

I remember saying it. I have no memory of what problem I was facing that I thought might be solved by a really tall giraffe.

#43

My GF does a bit of sleep-talking. I mentioned a sheep character from Animal Crossing (Dom) and she sounded like she was about to cry saying "he doesn't have hands". (Which, to be fair, he doesn't)

#44

My wife will tell me the next day when I do this.

Her favourite story to tell is that she woke up in the middle of the night to find me slowly walking out of our bedroom. Wife: “Are you ok? What are you doing?” Me: “There’s somebody downstairs in the kitchen, unrolling the tinfoil” Wife: “Ooooo-Kay. What’s your plan?” Me: “I’m going to stop them” Wife: “Shall we get a bit more sleep then both go down together?” Me: “Ok”.

And I went back to bed.

Subsequent investigations found a small plastic bag on the floor, near my head, being rustled by the movement of the curtain, the window being open.

#45

My mom used to wake me up for school because I’d sleep through my alarms. She has a bunch of stories about weird [crap] I’ve said to her right before waking. “He’s not here, check down the street!” “Just put it on the roof and it’ll blow away.”

#46

I've been told that, as a child, my father would regularly sleepwalk into his dad's bedroom and urinate in his work shoes.

#47

I'd be the king of Monaco! My wife said this one night out of nowhere. The funniest part was her tone of voice,proud and assertive, like she was really sure of her claim to the throne. Anyway, the joke's on her, Monaco is a principality.

#48

Not my partner, but my younger brother and I used to share a room and used bunkbeds. One night I heard him mumble

"I don't create the weather, I just predict it."

#49

Not my partner, but my younger brother says the most ridiculous stuff. One time he said “get off my treasure” in a pirate voice. Another time he said “get your hands off my fish”

#50

Once my ex said "horse." That's all. Just horse. But with a sense of urgency.

The same ex told me I once sat straight up in bed and mumbled, "Jesus, grandma, you scared the [crap] out of me." I had been dreaming that I was in bed at night and my grandma (still alive at the time) wandered into the room and stood at the end of the bed with a blank stare.

#51

Reminds me of my sleepwalking incident. When I was that age, my babysitter was out walking with her boyfriend at 10 pm and found me curled up, sleeping on the sidewalk a block away from our house. They picked me up and brought me home, and apparently I had turned on every light as I left. Fort Knox? After that incident, my dad had to climb through the kitchen window if he had to work late. All the doors had latches out of my reach.

#52

I was watching tv once when my sister came out of her room, and shoved her pillow in a kitchen drawer. After that she crossed the living room, opened the front door and said “they’re almost here.” She closed the door, and went back to her room. It was my first experience with sleepwalking, and scared the complete [crap] out of me. As far as I am aware, that is the only incident she has ever had.

#53

I was in my brothers room watching tv with him and he ended up falling asleep. He mumbled something about Arizona and when I asked what he said he didn’t respond. Then a few minutes later he sits up, squints his eyes and just scans the room back and forth. I asked if he was okay and he laid back down and went back to sleep. I still don’t know what he was scanning the room for but it creeped me out.

#54

But my all time favorite was when, from her perspective as she later explained, she was dreaming that I was playfully sneaking up on her and she saw me and was calling me on it. From my perspective, my wife sat up in the middle of the night, starting into the darkest corner of the room and said repeatedly in a soft sing-song voice: “I seeee youuuu.” My flipping blood froze.

#55

My wife was an avid sleep talked for a long time and her midnight announcements range from simple single words to elaborate speeches. The ones that really stand out to me are:

Whispering my name repeatedly which woke me up so she could share in a hushed, cautious voice: “There is an alligator in here.” When I expressed my concern (playing along) she told me, still whispering, that: “It’s okay. It has been here before.”

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