Ideally, the holiday season would be a time of reflection, relaxation, and being with your loved ones. However, the reality is often different. Unfortunately, anxiety, stress, and frustration are common guests in households around Christmas. Especially if you’re the only one running holiday errands while your relatives are complaining all the time.
So, sometimes you need to put your foot down, say ‘enough is enough,’ and draw some healthy boundaries. That’s exactly what redditor u/Disastrous_Rest1999 did. She turned to the AITA online community to share exactly why she’s not going to be hosting Christmas at her house this year.
The holiday season is meant to be a time of peace and introspection. Unfortunately, for many people, it’s a period of intense stress
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One woman recently shared why she won’t be hosting her extended family for Xmas this year
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Image credits: Disastrous_Rest1999
We all need to learn to enforce healthy boundaries. We shouldn’t feel guilty about saying ‘no’ from time to time
First things first: positive relationships are massively important, as found by researchers conducting an 80-year Harvard study. The director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, Dr. Robert Waldinger, explained that it’s our close relationships and social connections that are the most important for our happiness and health.
So we have to be proactive in strengthening our relationships with our family and friends. However, the key here is that these connections have to be positive. The entire point is that supportive and nurturing relationships help us weather the stress of daily life.
However, if your current relationships are causing you huge amounts of stress and anxiety, it might be time to rethink them. That might mean (finally) enforcing some healthy boundaries after having those all-important but uncomfortable face-to-face conversations.
Boundaries aren’t just meant for your job or the friends in your life. They’re also magnificently useful in your family life, too. Boundaries set clear expectations and ensure that our kindness and efforts aren’t taken advantage of.
It’s not fair if someone has to shoulder the entire burden of hosting and entertaining their extended family for Christmas, year after year. If someone’s forced to do this, and they’re constantly miserable, then it’s not much of a celebration for them, is it?
At some point, we all need to be brutally honest with ourselves, as well as the people closest to us, about what makes us happy. Spending a week planning the food, cleaning your home, and watching your wallet bleed cash may not be what you want. Especially if nobody seems to be grateful for the effort you put in.
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The hosts mustn’t feel like they’re forced to cater to the entire family
Yes, there are people out there who love organizing massive family events. But you might not be one of them. You may prefer a quiet dinner by a roaring fire, with only your nearest and dearest. Or you might not want to cook at all and opt for a festive meal at your local fancy restaurant.
There is no ‘wrong’ way to celebrate the holidays, so long as you find joy in what you do. ‘Canceling’ Christmas for a year may be a brilliant move. It’s bound to make your entire extended family consider what this holiday means to them and be more proactive in organizing the event themselves next year. Sometimes, a break from all the rush is exactly what Santa ordered.
According to the American Psychiatric Association (APA), almost a third of Americans are more stressed out about the holiday season in 2023 than a year ago, as shopping, travel, and time spent with family members all take their toll.
The biggest sources of anxiety are affording gifts, finding gifts, as well as the cost of the holiday meal. So nobody should ignore the impact of the financial and practical aspects of the holiday season.
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Many people feel more stressed than usual when the holidays roll around
If the hosts of the Xmas get-together are left to bear the lion’s share of the organizational burden and the bill, where’s the fairness in all of that? It’s a different story altogether if someone wants to and can afford to do this. It’s another situation entirely when you’re left with chaos, sadness, and empty coffers once everyone leaves the dinner table.
Dr. Howard Liu, from the APA, noted that it helps if we give ourselves self-compassion during the holiday season. “It’s OK to turn down some of those invites if they don’t give us joy. And it’s ok for our house to not look perfect when people come over.”
For 41% of Americans, their stress levels actually increase during the holiday season. While only 7% of people note that they’re more relaxed during this time.
Some other common sources of holiday stress include having too much to do, feeling pressured to make the season somehow special, and family conflict.
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The author of the post responded to a lot of people’s comments
Here’s what some other readers had to say about the situation
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