We’re never too old to celebrate a birthday. In fact, making sure that your day is special might be even more important when we’ve grown up and have a mountain of responsibilities awaiting us at any given moment.
That’s why one stay-at-home mother decided that the best way she could celebrate her birthday was to take a solo trip. Unfortunately, however, her husband wasn’t thrilled about being left with their three children for a week. Below, you’ll find the full story that the mom recently shared on the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit, as well as some of the replies invested readers left her.
All this burnt out mother wanted for her birthday was a relaxing vacation by herself
Image credits: nenetus (not the actual photo)
However, her husband refused to support the idea
Image credits: psisa (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Vailery (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Suspicious_Light_190
Later, the mom answered some questions and provided additional information on the situation
Being a stay-at-home parent is often just as demanding as working a full-time job
There’s a common misconception that stay-at-home moms simply stay at home all day. Maybe they watch some TV, relax in the garden, go to a Pilates class and grab brunch with a girlfriend, right? Wrong. All parents have plenty on their plates, and stay-at-home parents are no exception. In fact, they might work even more hours than those of us with full-time jobs, but without any pay or vacation days. According to one survey, the typical stay-at-home mom works nearly 97 hours per week, including all of her responsibilities as a teacher, household CEO, psychologist, chef, housekeeper, PC or Mac operator, facilities manager, janitor and chauffeur.
Being a stay-at-home parent can, of course, yield benefits for your children, as having a parent stay home often increases a child’s school performance, leads to children having less stress and aggression, allows parents greater involvement in their kids’ day-to-day lives, and many parents feel good about their choice to stay at home. However, it’s not all sunshine and roses. Some parents find themselves missing work, and taking a few years off from their careers can make it extremely challenging to jump back in when they are ready. There’s often a “wage penalty” that parents experience when returning to the workforce, meaning they may make 40% less in earned income over time. Being at home with the kids can also increase a parent’s sadness, make them feel isolated, and increase their risk for mental health issues.
Parents who stay home are prone to experiencing burnout as well
According to Choosing Therapy, “stay-at-home mom burnout” is “a state of chronic stress and exhaustion experienced by moms who have the full-time job of taking care of a home and kids.” Mothers with this type of burnout may experience depression, anxiety, insomnia, self-doubt, mental exhaustion, irritability, mom rage, loneliness, feeling overwhelmed, feeling like they have no time for themselves and sometimes even turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as substance abuse. Some of the most common causes of stay-at-home mom burnout are financial stress, feeling unappreciated, not having anyone to share the work load with, stigma or self-judgment about their own role, lack of support, isolation and lack of connection, and lack of resources to manage stress.
Just like anyone else, stay-at-home parents require some healthy alone time to relax and unwind. Burnout is real for anyone, and parents are not immune to it. According to psychiatrist and parenting expert Dr. Carole Lieberman, “Moms need time to nurture the other parts of themselves — besides nurturing their children. They need alone time to do this. A mom can only be as good a nurturer to her kids, as she takes alone time to nurture herself. She needs to replenish herself so that she has more to give her children.”
Time for rest and relaxation is crucial for everyone
Alone time for moms is crucial because nurturing goes both ways. When parents give themselves a chance to recharge, they can have even more meaningful interactions with their partner and children. Taking some alone time can also help prevent resentment, Danielle Bayard Jackson, author and certified women’s coach, told Romper. Being constantly surrounded by noise and messes can feel overwhelming, and it can make it impossible to see the big picture. When you allow yourself some healthy time away, you can see your family and home with fresh eyes and be reminded of how much you love them all. And of course, we all know that distance can make the heart grow stronger, so perhaps some healthy time away is exactly what this mom on Reddit’s heart needs.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this story in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this mother was right to stand her ground and defend her solo vacation, or do you agree with her husband? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article discussing how challenging being a stay-at-home parent can be, look no further than right here!
Many readers assured the mother that she does deserve a vacation, but warned that there may be larger issues in her marriage that need addressed
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