From the moment you come into this world, there is this thing that happens around you that can sometimes be delightful, but at times drives you crazy or leaves you completely befuddled. You know, life. And if you find yourself in the middle of an experience that leaves you with more questions than answers, it’s absolutely okay to ask for advice.
Did you know that giving good advice is actually as much of an art (or science) as any other job? It’s not only about knowing things but also being able to find the right words of advice. But on the other hand, even after you have received the best piece of advice possible, it doesn’t automatically imply you are obliged to follow it.
It doesn’t matter how experienced the person giving advice is or how well they know you; if whatever they say you should do doesn’t sit right with you, you probably should follow your gut. And don’t even get me started on people who think they are authorized to share their life wisdom with you “just because,” even though the words “I need advice” have never left your lips.
Advice doesn’t always have to be serious or life-changing. Sometimes funny advice about random situations is the best thing you need. There are a lot of unexpected things in life, and advice that not only makes you chuckle but all of a sudden comes in handy, is surely useful.
For this article, we have collected a bunch of funny life advice for all sorts of situations. Which one do you find the most useful? If you have anything to add to this collection, share it with us in the comments.
#1
If you hear weird noises in the night, simply make weirder noises to assert dominance.#2
Carry a fork with you. If someone tries to rob you, pull it out of your pocket and say, ‘thank you Lord for this meal I’m about to have’ and charge at them with the fork.#3
If you teach a man to fish, you feed him for one day. If you feed him to the fishes then he’ll never be hungry again.#4
Don't yell at your kids, lean in close and whisper, it's much scarier.#5
Drinking can cause memory loss, or even worse, memory loss.#6
If you don’t know where your kids are in the house, turn off the internet and watch them magically appear.#7
If your kids suddenly start getting along and are nice to each other for no reason, be very suspicious.#8
If life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a water gun and shoot other people in the eyes.#9
Trust dogs. They always know who to stay away from.#10
If you find a toilet in your dream, don’t use it.#11
If you attempt to rob a bank, you will have no trouble with rent or bills for the next ten years, whether you are successful or not.#12
If you swim with a friend, your chances of getting eaten by a shark will drop by 50%.#13
Don't let go of your wife's hand at the mall, because she will start shopping. It might look romantic, but it's actually economic.#14
Marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than you so they won't eat all of yours.#15
If you are not happy where you are, move. You are not a tree.#16
If you can’t blind them with brilliance, baffle them with nonsense.#17
If you break your bone in two places, don’t go to those places again.#18
If you wait until the last minute to do it, it only takes a minute to do.#19
Ladies, if a man says he'll fix something, he will. There's no point in telling him about it every six months.#20
Writing. Like. This. Doesn't. Make. Your. Point. Any. Stronger.#21
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.#22
No matter how nice the hand soap smells, don’t leave the restroom smelling your fingers.#23
When you fart in public, yell "Jet power!" and walk faster.#24
Don't give up your dreams, keep on sleeping.#25
Put a teabag in your whiskey, so you can day drink without being judged.#26
Don't be sad, because sad backward is das and das not good.#27
Eat whatever you want, and if someone calls you fat, eat them too.#28
If your dog blinks at you blink back. It could be a code.#29
Do not think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a majestic baboon.#30
Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘would an idiot do that?’ if they would, I do not do that thing.#31
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You only need a parachute to go skydiving twice.#32
Don't make snow angels in a dog park.#33
The first time your toddler sneezes in your face, even if it is super funny when it happens, do not laugh. You will be sentencing yourself to years of purposeful in-your-face sneezes.#34
Be a Caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep a lot. Wake up beautiful.#35
Eggs are good for your health. But sometimes we get fed up with them. Add some butter, chocolate, sugar, flour, and then bake. Now it’s not so boring to eat them every day.#36
If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it, then how bad of a decision can it really be?#37
Don’t be ashamed of yourself — that’s a job for your parents.#38
Don't lick the bowl, flush it like a normal person.#39
Never use your favorite song as an alarm. You'll start to hate it.#40
My father once told me, "Son, if you want people to listen to what you have to say, claim it's something your father told you."#41
For $1, you can buy a candy bar from a vending machine. For $2, you can buy a brick, and get all the candy in the vending machine.#42
Never walk on the ice with your hands in your pockets.#43
Listen to really bad music when going through something terrible in your life. If you listen to music you love, it will become a constant reminder of bad times.#44
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job, slowly raise the head and say in Jesus name, Amen.#45
The best defense against somebody videotaping you is to blast a song by an artist that is serious about copyright infringement.#46
If you’re in 12th grade, do not join senior dating sites.#47
In case of fire, exit the building before tweeting about it.#48
Don't worry if a person hasn't texted you back. Most people only check their phone every three seconds.#49
If you’re being chased, give the person who’s chasing you a pair of scissors because you can’t run with scissors.#50
Oil floats on water, so cover yourself in oil, wait for it to rain, and fly.#51
Never joke with a kleptomaniac, they will take it, literally.#52
If you don't want someone to ask you to do something again, do it terribly the first time.#53
Never test the depth of a river with both feet.#54
It’s the thought that counts... so don’t buy birthday presents, just think about buying them.#55
Pro parenting tip: only have spaghetti on bath nights.#56
When your kids start crying, start bawling bigger and better. Soon, they will stop crying & turn their concerns to your welfare.#57
No flashlight on your phone? Take a photo of the sun, and use it in the dark.#58
When you want to annoy someone at work, use air quotes when addressing their work title.#59
Don't make decisions without eating first.#60
Never break two laws at the same time because that’s how you get caught.#61
There will come a day when you get pooped on. Just know that it is going to happen and there’s nothing you can do about it.#62
Is your sink full of dirty utensils? Put some clean dishes in the draining rack! Now it looks like you’re working on it.#63
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.#64
If she asks for four chicken nuggets, buy ten. This is how you get and keep a girlfriend.#65
Blame the cat.#66
If you can't wish for more wishes, then wish for more genies.#67
Treat every problem as your dog would. If you can't eat it, walk away.#68
When in doubt, always ask your mother.#69
No ice for drinks? Use frozen vegetables.#70
The one who cries the hardest wins the argument.#71
The early bird may catch the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.#72
Take your kids to a pumpkin patch and let them pick out any pumpkin. Then, make them carry it to the car. They’ll never want to go back there again.#73
If you leave your wipers up, an officer won’t be able to leave a fine. Your money will be saved.#74
If you can’t afford virtual reality headsets, you can close your eyes and imagine everything you want.#75
If you're drinking to forget, pay in advance.#76
If any person tries to hurt you, tell them I have a gun, a shovel, and an alibi.#77
Don’t follow what you think is the right way; make your way to what you think is happiness.#78
Count your eggs before they hatch. That way you’ll know if someone steals one of them.#79
Just because waffles are pancakes with abs doesn't mean eating them gives you abs.#80
Buy a stethoscope, so you can listen to your heart.#81
If the monster comes out of the closet tonight, say hi for me then go back to sleep.#82
Never date a person who pays their rent in one’s.#83
Having a bad day? No worries! Wear sunglasses. Now you’re having a bad evening.#84
If you're late, just say, "Sorry I'm late, I was at home sitting down."#85
Don't open the window when in a submarine.#86
A frisbee is NOT a boomerang.#87
Only boring people say they’re bored.#88
Fed up with boiling water each evening? Heat 340 fl oz (10 liters), and freeze for future use.#89
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.#90
If you rarely drive on snow, just pretend you're taking your grandma to church. There's a platter of biscuits and 2 gallons of sweet tea in glass jars in the back seat. She's wearing a new dress and holding a crock pot full of gravy.#91
If you stare at something you dropped on the ground, eventually someone will pick it up for you.#92
Keep your toes on your feet.#93
If you ever want to know the time but don't have a watch, use your phone as a sun dial. Always works.#94
Don’t talk to anybody on the train, except for your mom. Well, maybe it would be best to ignore her too.#95
It’s very expensive to eat 3 times a day. Wake up later, miss breakfast, and save money.#96
Never do a whole job when a half job will do.#97
Fill your heart with bees, then if someone breaks your heart, they’ll have to deal with the bees.#98
Don't squat with your spurs on.#99
If you do something bad, make sure there’s someone else around to blame.#100
Healthy people ask for what they need and want.#101
Treat your father-in-law like your own dad. You’ll miss him when he’s gone.#102
Remember your name, you’ll need it.#103
If you are trying to get lucky, keep changing chairs. There's bound to be chewing gum under one of them.#104
When wearing boots, always wear different color socks. When your boots come off, it will be funny and you'll always have something to talk about.#105
Never trust someone who puts in the milk, then the cereal.#106
Mount from both sides so the horse becomes used to change.#107
If you cut the tennis balls in half, you can fit 6 in a container.#108
Don’t buy a bikini. Instead, get a size XXXL men’s shirt. That way, people won’t notice you.#109
Avoid travel teams unless your child is a once-in-a-generation talent… and your child is not a once-in-a-generation talent.#110
If your tires are too old, refresh them with a marker.#111
If you’re too lazy to wash your cup, use a pepper.#112
There is never enough time in the morning. Try to combine brushing your teeth with your breakfast.#113
A 3-colored manicure isn’t so difficult if you have toothpaste.#114
No hair? Draw it! Or get a tattoo.#115
If you sleep until lunchtime, you can save your breakfast money.from Bored Panda https://ift.tt/xyfB31v
