I think it goes without saying that if two people do not give up and work on their relationship, they will go places.
It also goes without saying that every relationship needs boundaries as we’re all individuals with wants and needs.
It also also goes without saying that being a human being is hard because we’re complex creatures. Too complex for our own good most times.
So, no matter how much you work on your relationship, and no matter how well you maintain and respect boundaries, a change of heart might still throw a spanner in the works. And that in turn will breed conflict. Conflict where there are no winners. At least according to the internet.
More Info: Reddit
No matter how much you work on your relationship or how well you maintain and respect boundaries, something will eventually collapse
Image credits: Nenad Stojkovic (not the actual image)
A 28-year-old woman turned to the Am I The A-Hole community on Reddit to get some perspective on a pressing issue she ran into in her relationship. OP has a husband (35 years old) with whom she’s been together for a total of 3 years, one of which as a married couple.
Now, she has made it clear that she did not want to have kids of her own, but she did not mind her partner having them. In fact, he had 4 from a previous relationship. The two agreed that the kids would be the husband’s sole responsibility, save for a few small things. She loved her husband, and the two older kids were great, but the younger ones were too much for her—overall, though, she felt the kids are all right.
And even if you had an agreement with your husband, that may change really quickly once he sees you with a new car in the driveway
Image Credits: u/aitahusbandskids
Image credits: freestock.org (not the actual image)
Part of the above-mentioned agreement was also the decision to have separate finances. He had his kids, while she didn’t, so it’s only fair. The agreement also included how much she’d be paying for the mortgage and utilities, but groceries and food would be separate because OP is a travel nurse with a fitness routine and hence has a different diet. They came to this agreement some years ago and had no problems sticking to it.
Well, things have started to go south ever since OP got herself a new car. This was an immediate indicator to the husband that the wife’s financial situation has increased over time. She disclosed that she makes around $130,000 a year now. It also helps that she is a disciplined saver, responsible spender and prepares meals in advance and according to a plan.
The husband, on the other hand, is a mechanic who earns only around $40,000, but it helps that they live in a low cost of living (COL) area. But you can still imagine how problematic that might be when you’re also responsible for 4 kids of various ages.
OP’s financial status got bumped up to $130K/year, leaving the husband to struggle with 4 kids and just $40,000/year
Image Credits: u/aitahusbandskids
Image credits: Gordon Tarpley (not the actual image)
Considering all of this, the husband expressed his desire for the wife to start setting up college funds for the kids. Not only that, but he also wants to have a joint account and to pay their bills based off income. And so instead of having to pay roughly a fifth of the total cost of utilities and quarter of the mortgage, she is now being asked to pay two thirds of everything related to the household.
The wife thinks this is completely unfair—she chose to not have kids so that she could enjoy her financial freedom (among other perks of being childfree). The husband, on the other hand, thinks it’s unfair that she gets to have a new expensive car while he drives an older one that needs some repairs.
This ultimately led to her asking why he agreed to split the way they did in the first place—he simply changed the subject, leaving the situation unresolved.
While you could argue it both ways, life isn’t black and white, and folks online were digging deep into the shades of gray. Not a common occurrence in this subreddit, but folks said that both OP and her husband are wrong.
And while the grown ups were fighting over money, the AITA community called everyone an a-hole because, in the end, the kids were suffering the most
First, the husband shouldn’t feel entitled to someone’s fortune and to decide that they’ll now be financing their kids’ education. Besides that, if they had an agreement, he shouldn’t care what the other does with their money.
But in his defense, some were surprised that OP is completely comfortable with seeing the person she loves, her husband, living near the poverty line and barely getting by with 4 kids.
This is besides the actual mother, who is nowhere to be found and seemingly would rather have her kids take out college loans.
If anything, the only ones not in the wrong are the poor kids who have to live with one mom that doesn’t want them, a dad who’s struggling to keep up their family’s well being, and a stepmom who can technically help, but won’t.
Most did point out that OP had it coming—how could anyone believe that they could make a relationship as detached financially and emotionally as this one work? Nobody believed that the arrangement could ever be sustainable.
Whatever the case, the post ended up getting some attention on the subreddit, gaining over 8,000 upvotes and a handful of awards. And speaking of the post, you can check it out in context here. But don’t go just yet as we’d like your voice to be heard, so share your opinions and stories in the comment section below!
The post Husband Barely Provides For His 4 Children With A 40K Annual Salary, Asks Wife Who Earns 130K For Help, She Refuses first appeared on Bored Panda.
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