We talk a lot about timelines — when you should get your education, where you should be in your career, how old you have to be when you get married, and the age when it's OK to start having children. We feel the pressure to not only have these things, but when to have them as well. One Instagram account, however, is rejecting these constraints with style. And humor. 'Not Engaged' is dedicated to one woman's ringless left hand traveling to places and events while using the hashtag #blessed. And she's not alone. The account already has over 103k followers who call her 'Queen' and enjoy every step of her journeys.
#1 When Ur #notengaged And U Wrote A Lil Birthday Poem: ‘Twas The Night Of Ur Bday And All Through The Kitchen, All Ur Dishes Were Clean, Lol No Guy Helped Pitch In. ur Presents Were Wrapped All Cute With Such Care, By Empowering Folks Who Have Always Been There. ur Home Was In Order, Just How U Like. Because U Knew Better Than To Go Out With Mike (I Mean He Insisted On Neon Plastic Cubes For A Side Table, What Is He Insane? It’s Not Sustainable. But I Digress...) Now Chickpeas! Go Travel! Go Invest! Go Explore! Go Buy Ur Own Place! Go Build Ur Own Store! i Can’t Thank U Enough For Following Along. Even Jenna From Accounting Is Joining The Throng (Ugh Maybe. She’s Such A Flake Tho...) Anyway Thank U My Dears, Every Woman (And Man!) Plz Wear Sunscreen, Be Kind, And Never Text Dan. xo tacos And Thanks, mary
When ur not engaged and u wrote a lil birthday poem: ‘twas the night of ur bday and all through the kitchen, all ur dishes were clean, lol no guy helped pitch in.
ur presents were wrapped all cute with such care, by empowering folks who have always been there.
ur home was in order, just how u like. because u knew better than to go out with mike (i mean he insisted on neon plastic cubes for a side table, what is he insane? it’s not sustainable. but i digress...) now chickpeas! go travel! go invest! go explore! go buy ur own place! go build ur own store!
i can’t thank u enough for following along. even jenna from accounting is joining the throng (ugh maybe. she’s such a flake tho...) anyway thank u my dears, every woman (and man!) plz wear sunscreen, be kind, and never text dan.
xo
tacos and thanks,
Mary
Image credits: notengaged
#2 When Ur #notengaged And Ur Single And It’s Valentine’s Day And Ur Gonna Get Chinese Food And Movies Just Like A True Single This Day. And Honestly It’s Great. Cuz Ur Gonna Take Back This Day For Self Love Or Roomie Love Or Best Friend Love Cuz Love Will Not Be Hijacked By Flying Babies With Bows And Arrows Just For Couples. You Hear Me My Single Chickpea Army!? This Day Is For All. U R My Internet Valentine. Its Not Just For Jenna In Accounting With Her Dumb Ring And Her Crossfit Fiancée. And Guess What Else? U Survived The Holidays, U Survived New Years, And Now U’ve Survived The Last Dumb Little War On Shoving This Pressure Of Love Down Ur Throats For The Season. Now We Go, Onto The Breach For Spring And Discounted Candies And All The Good Times. #blessed Love U All. Happy Thursday. U R Important And Special And The Best.
When ur not engaged and ur single and it’s valentine’s day and ur gonna get chinese food and movies just like a true single this day. and honestly it’s great. cuz ur gonna take back this day for self love or roomie love or best friend love cuz love will not be hijacked by flying babies with bows and arrows just for couples. YOU HEAR ME MY SINGLE CHICKPEA ARMY!? this day is for all. u r my internet valentine. its not just for jenna in accounting with her dumb ring and her crossfit fiancée. and guess what else? u survived the holidays, u survived new years, and now u’ve survived the last dumb little war on shoving this pressure of love down ur throats for the season. now we go, onto the breach for spring and discounted candies and all the good times. Blessed love u all. happy thursday. u r important and special and the best.
Image credits: notengaged
#3 When Ur #notengaged Hangin In A Cute Lil Sun Bed Watchin The Paddle Boaters Go By Who R All Like “Babe Watch Me.” No, Babe, Get On Ur Own Paddle Boat And Paddle Paddle Paddle Out To Sea Cuz U Don’t Have Time To Watch Ur BF Have Fun While U “Keep An Eye On The Stuff.” Boy Buy A Waterproof Bag! The Gospel Of Of Notengaged Amen. #blessed
When ur not engaged hangin in a cute lil sun bed watchin the paddle boaters go by who r all like “babe watch me.” no, babe, get on ur own paddle boat and paddle paddle paddle out to sea cuz u don’t have time to watch ur bf have fun while u “keep an eye on the stuff.” boy buy a waterproof bag! the gospel of of notengaged amen.
Image credits: notengaged
#4 When Ur #notengaged And U Cook A Family Sized Meal But The Family Is Just Ur Own Lil Tum Tum Which Is Fine Can U Imagine Having To Share Food Like Someone Is All Like “Babe Can I Try A Lil?” Dude No I Need Every One Of These Potatoes Get Out Get Out Josh #blessed Xo
When ur not engaged and u cook a family sized meal but the family is just ur own lil tum tum which is fine can u imagine having to share food like someone is all like “babe can i try a lil?” dude no i need every one of these potatoes get out GET OUT JOSH
Image credits: notengaged
#5 When Ur #notengaged Waiting For The Train And U Look Down And There Are The Remnants Of A ? Proposal Gone Wrong? Breakup Gone Right? Deadly Florist Battle? Idk What Happened Here But Im Gonna Go Home And Buy My Own Flowers, And I’ll Be Like “Will U Take Urself And Be The Coolest Person In Whatever U Do For The Rest Of Ur Life?” And U’ll Be Like “Self, U Had Me At ‘After Picking Up Shampoo Im Gonna Get Avocados For Guacamole, They Are On Sale.’” Until That Guy Texts Me Back Tho We’ll See #committoyourself #blessed
When ur not engaged waiting for the train and u look down and there are the remnants of a proposal gone wrong? breakup gone right? deadly florist battle? idk what happened here but im gonna go home and buy my own flowers, and i’ll be like “will u take urself and be the coolest person in whatever u do for the rest of ur life?” and u’ll be like “self, u had me at ‘after picking up shampoo im gonna get avocados for guacamole, they are on sale.’” until that guy texts me back tho we’ll see
Image credits: notengaged
#6 When Ur #notengaged And U Were Able To Get Up Early And Do A Three Hour Strenuous Hike Without Anybody Being Like “But Babe Watch Me Swim” Boy Take A Hike. With Me. Or Don’t I Don’t Care Im Going Anyway. Attention Plz If U Do Not Get A Photo Of The Blue Domes Ur Flight Will Be Cancelled Xo #blessed Ps Saw Several Lady Hikers Out There Doin It On Their Own Yasssss Yassssss ??????????❤️?????
When ur not engaged and u were able to get up early and do a three hour strenuous hike without anybody being like “but babe watch me swim” boy take a hike. with me. or don’t i don’t care im going anyway. attention plz if u do not get a photo of the blue domes ur flight will be cancelled xo blessed ps saw several lady hikers out there doin it on their own yasssss YASSSSSS
Image credits: notengaged
#7 When Ur #notengaged And U Have Retaken The Island From The Honeymooners And It Is A Free Independent Vacation Ground Once Again. Come My Sisters, Sit At Ur Restaurants Urself, Enjoy A Platonic Sunset And Feast Upon This New Golden Age! Plz B Advised All Newlyweds Will Be Arrested Thank U #blessed
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#8 When Ur #notengaged And U Go To @nyfw To See Some Bridesmaid Dresses U Know U Will Probably Have To Wear Sometime This Year. And U Show Up And Look Like What Can Only Be Described As The Pre-Makeover Anne Hathaway In The Devil Wears Prada? Like I Wore Rain Boots And A Less Elegant Messy Bun. But It’s Totally Cool Because This Guy Asked For My Number. And By Number I Mean Asked The Number Of Croissants I Had Taken. Nobody Else Was Eating!!!! #blessed
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#9 When Ur #notengaged At A Cute Lil Fancy Hotel And The Concierge Is Like “Champagne? O Sorry, Miss, R U Under 21?” And Ur Like “Lol Im 31” And She’s Like “What’s Ur Secret!?” And Ur Like “Im Very Single Lol Cheers” Save On Night Cream. Stay Single. (Ok But Also Night Cream And Drink Water) #blessed
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#10 When Ur #notengaged Chillin W A Cute Lil Glass Of Wine And Not With That “Consultant” From Bumble Who Went To Machu Picchu And Apparently Took A Myers Briggs Test. Wut Did U Consult Cloning Everyone’s Profile? Y R U All Named James? Y Do U All Have Multiple Bluetooth Headsets? Wut R Ur Credit Scores? U Know What Don’t Answer Im Gonna Have A Pinot Grijjjj And A Bag A Chips Happy Tuesday Xo #blessed
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#11 When Ur #notengaged And From This Single Hand To Yours, Merry Christmas. You Are Important And Valued And Santa Loves You No Matter How Much Bling You Have. Like, He Brought Me An Individual Sized Ice Cream Maker, Santa Embraces Singledom Ya Know!? Merry Christmas You Old Building And Loans ❤️?❤️?❤️?? Xo -Mary #blessed
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#12 When Ur #notengaged And U Catch Ur Coworker Updating Her Wedding Site During Work Hours #timethief And Ur Like Does This Mean I Can Spend Work Hours Napping Because I Also Can “Never Find The Time” And “Really Need To Get This Done” Xo #blessed
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#13 When Ur #notengaged And U Do A Cute Lil Popover To Athens To See The Parthenon And The Temple Of Aphrodite To Be All Like “Girl Ur The Ancient Greek Goddess Of Love! Y R U Wasting All Ur Energy On Justins To Kellys Who Can’t Let Go Of One Another’s Hand On This Tour For Fear Of Being Thought Of As Single For One Moment And Just Take My Picture?” And She’s Like “Dude They R Not On Me Don’t Put That On Me Im Up On This Hill Tryin To Get Everyone To Have Realistic Conversations About Credit Scores And Instead They’re Makin Out In My Temple. It’s Like I Rose From The Foam Of The Sea For No Reason” #blessed
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#14 When Ur #notengaged On Ur #nothoneymoon Havin A Cute Lil Swim Up To The Cute Lil Swim Up Bar And Ur Unbejeweled Left Hand Orders A Strawberry Daiquiri. Poor Me Im Single Whatever Shall I Do ???? Can U Imagine If U Didn’t Sweat About That Tinder Date And Just Did Whatever U Wanted? Lol Wear Sunscreen! Xo #blessed
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#15 When Ur #notengaged And U Live Alone And People Are V V V Concerned U Won’t Be Able To Do Anything Like Put Up Shelves Or Ward Off Intruders Or Feed Urself And Ur Like “I Know How To Use Electricity. I Have Like Seventeen Padlocks And A Great Impression Of A Man’s Voice In Case Any Strangers Knock??♂️, And I Have Three Types Of Shredded Cheese In The Fridge. Doin Fine.” #blessed #shelvesgoinup
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#16 When Ur #notengaged And U Go A Lil Race Car Driving Which Is Like So Cute Cute Cute In Ur Lil Helmet And Ur Racin Around On Ur Own And There R No Couples Cuz All The Cars R One Seat So Nobody Can Be Like “Bebe I’ll Drive” Like No U Won’t Rodney Imma Speed Demon. #blessed Lol Where Am I But Also This Was Super Fun And Should We All Be Empowering Lady Go Kart Drivers!? Chickpeas Racing Army Omg Let’s Make Jackets ?
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#17 When Ur #notengaged Ur Apartment Is Clean, Ur Playin Ur Jams, And Ur Carbo Loading For An Entire Night Of Sitting On Ur Couch By Urself. Didn’t Pick Up A Single Sock That Wasn’t My Own. Life??is??good?? #blessed
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#18 When Ur #notengaged And It’s Ur Job To Bring The Squash Which Really Translates To Squashing Ur Grandma’s Hopes Of U Finding A Boyfriend By Thursday. If Your Relatives Give You A Hard Time This Weekend, Refuse To Fix Their Laptops They’ve Been Saving For U. Change Their Wifi Passwords. Reclaim This Day Of Eating My Sisters. It Is Ours For The Taking. #blessed #staystrong
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#19 When Ur #notengaged And U Lived A Full Year Alone By Urself Like A Grown Up And U Figured Out Ur Own Internet Package Without A Man Explaining Mbps To U And U’ve Figure Out How To Fix Ur Sink On Ur Own (Always Have Extra Towels ?) And U Left The House Every Day With Tied Shoes, I Mean How!? How Does One Do This On Their Own!? Blessings Upon You, Goddess Of Luck, For How Can One Survive On Their Own For So Long Im Jk It’s Easy Just Do It I Love U #blessed
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#20 When Ur #notengaged And Ppl R Always Like “Ur Such A Good Baker Ur Future Husband Is Going To Love That” Um ??my Future Self Is Gonna Love It In 5-7 Minutes When Im Eating Cookies In My Tub And Not Tripping Over Lacrosse Equipment #blessed Nail Color Is Flour By Opi ??
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#21 When Ur #notengaged And He’s Like “Sorry I’ll Be Late” And Ur Like “How Late” And He’s Like “Just Save Seats” And Ur Like “Just Get A Watch” And He’s Like “Did U Get Seats?” And Ur Like “Sorry Between Myself, My Popcorn, And My Dignity We Take Up A Whole Row, Bye Dan!” #blessed #donttrustdans
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#22 When Ur #notengaged At A Cute Lil Bbq And All Ur Friends R Like Running After Their Kids And Ur Friend Is Like “Sit With ???! ??? Is Single!” And Ur Like “???has A Neck Tattoo And Hasn’t Watched Brooklyn 99 Im Just Gonna Eat Another Burger And Leave Without Telling Anyone” #blessed Don’t Let Ur Friends Set U Up With Anyone Who Is “A Really Nice Guy...once U Get To Know Him!!!” He Probably Has Gambling Debts! Xo
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#23 When Ur #notengaged Celebrating A Cute Lil Galentines Day With Ur Sweet Sweet Friends Who Kick Butt And Make Smart Decisions Even If We Dont Have Wedding Rings Omg How Do We Ever Get By Or Get A Loan Or Fix Our Sinks We Do We’re Fine Text Me When U Get Home Safe Xoxo #blessed Happy Galentines My Starfish! Im So Proud Of All Of U ❤️❤️❤️
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#24 When Ur #notengaged And Jill’s Like “Omg Such Nice Flowers R They From Ur Boyfriend?” And Ur Like “What’s A Boyfriend?” And She’s Like “...?” And Ur Like “Seriously Jill Tell Me. What Was It? A Boy...friend...? ” And She’s Like “Well...it’s...a Special Someone In Ur Life And U Fall In Love” And Ur Like “I Understand What Pizza Is Jill, And No Pizza Didn’t Send Me Flowers I Bought Them For Myself.” #blessed
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#25 When Ur #notengaged On Birthday Eve And Ur Like “Good Sir Bring Me All The Drinks And Ice Cream U Have” And He’s Like “Lol Ok” And U Have A Very Pleasant Eve Of Another Year Of Life Dodging Questions About When U’ll Settle Down And Ur Friends Awkward Set UPS With Brad And Bumble Boys Who Just Went To The Great Wall Of China Like Ok R U All The Same R U All Accountants Named Kevin? But It’s All Good U Chickpea. Because U R Another Year Wiser And Another Year Filled With Ice Cream And Savings And Tacos. Xo #blessed
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#26 When Ur #notengaged And Ur Like “Excuse Me, U Sent Me An Insane Amount Of Plastic Utensils Can We Save The Environment Please?” And They’re Like “Sorry Ma’am U Ordered A Family Sized Meal” And Ur Like “I Just Want To Live In A World With Minimal Plastics And No Shame When A Single Girl Wants To Eat Her Feelings.” Serves 4 Is A Suggestion. #blessed
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#27 When Ur #notengaged And Now U Have To Go To Baby Showers. And Everyone’s Like “Omg Hubs And I Just Bought A Boat” And “Omg Trying To Figure Out Preschool Lolz” And Ur Like “I Carried Home Toilet Paper And Paper Towels In One Trip And I Didn’t Drop Anything.” #blessed
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#28 When Ur #notengaged And Ur Running Late Cuz This Couple In Front Of U At The ATM Couldn’t Decide If They Were Fighting Or Making Out. Let Me Get My #cashdollas So I Can Get My Tostitos And Get Home. Im So Late To Watch More Netflix By Myself. #blessed #notengagedimenraged
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#29 When Ur #notengaged And U Got Two For One Margaritas But Ur Ur Own Two For One. Like People R Always Like “Ooooo Two People R Better Than One Ooooo U Always Have Someone To Come Home To Ooooo” Um If I Don’t Want To Go Home Alone I Can Just Book The Last Seat On A Flight To Cabo By Myself. Be Ur Own Two For One Special, Ur All Incredible, I Mean U Put Up Shelves By Urself U Flippin Goddess. Have An Empowering Friday #blessed Also Tacos I Mean Do I Ever Eat Anything Else U’ll Never Know.
Image credits: notengaged
#30 When Ur #notengaged And He’s Like “What R U Up 2 Tonight” And Ur Like “Couch” And He’s Like “Oh So Ur Free?” And Ur Like “Lol No. Couch.” And He’s Like “I Don’t Get It” And Ur Like “This Wasn’t Meant To Be Xo” #blessed
Image credits: notengaged
#31 When Ur #notengaged And U Kill Ur Plant So Now It Looks Like U Have A Cute Lil Cauldron In Ur Corner To Keep All The Man Children Away. Highly Recommend For Casting Spells To Keep Away Guys Who R Like “If I Don’t Have Any Plans Ill Text U” Ur The Plans Don’t Forget It #blessed
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#32 When Ur #notengaged And U Have The Whole Kitchen To Urself To Make As Many Batches Of Cookies As U Want And Ur Dumb Old Bae Isn’t Here Taking Up Room With His Stupid Home Brewing Thing I Don’t Miss U At All Goodnight. #blessed
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#33 When Ur #notengaged And It’s Been The Longest Week In The History Of Man And Ur Like “Im Just Gonna Stretch Out A Little, Have Some Me Time, Lil Single Self Care, Im The Best! ??” And Then U Lay Immobile Swiping Left. Like How Can U All Be Accountants Named Chris. #blessed Happy Friday Xoxo
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#34 When Ur #notengaged Headin Home After Ur Cute Lil Adventure And U Have The Row To Urself, Ur Fave Fave Movie (Yes I Also Watched It Going) And No Bae To Eye The Flight Attendant Up And Down While He “Thought” U Were “Asleep” Im Always Awake ? #blessed Thank U Greece And Cyprus For Ur Delicious Food, Kind People, And Beaches Im Crying Im Leaving
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#35 When Ur #notengaged And U Put Up A Heavy Mirror Urself, Held A Very Dramatic Lip Sync Concert To “It’s All Comin Back To Me Now” Multiple Times, And Fixed Ur Router. U Chickpea R Queen Goddess Ruler Of Saturday Nights At Home. There Is No Law And Order Unwatched. No Bag Of Milanos Untouched. No Pants Shall Grace Ur Yoga Legs. Ur The Gosh Darn Freakin Coolest Lil Cutie And Ur Twelve Year Old Self Is So Proud #blessed
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#36 When Ur #notengaged Out On The Lake Chillin With Ur Friends And Their Baes And They R Like “In Laws” And “Babe Y Did U Do That??” And “Ugh Fine” And Ur All Like “??” And “I Fixed My Own Sink!” And “No I Don’t Want To Meet Ur Friend Paul” #blessed
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#37 When Ur #notengaged And Its Saturday Night And Maaaan Ur Gonna Go Out And Hit The Clubs And Meet All The Guys Cuz Ur Single Self Can Do Whatever She Wa...im Kidding Im Obviously Cleaning My Tub. Y Would I Go To A Club There Are People There And There Are No People In My Tub Thank God #blessed
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#38 When Ur #notengaged And Ur Just Livin It Up Watchin That Sweet Sunset Pretending The Couple Next To U Is Not About To Propose Oh God Please Don’t Take This Moment To Propose Y Is There Wine Here We Go He Just Said “Hey Let’s Take A Walk” They Are Taking A Walk No No No Focus On The Sun O God I Can’t Look At The Sun And I Can’t Look At Them Aaaaaaaand They’re Engaged. #blessed
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#39 When Ur #notengaged Probably Because Every Boy U Loved In Middle School Turned Out To Be Gay Which Is So Weird Because U Both Loved Singing Wicked So Much At Theater Camp And He Was Such A Good Listener U Were Perfect Together ? But Now Ur Just So So V Happy For At Least Some Beautiful People To Get Married After So Many Years Fighting For Equality. Happy Pride Chickpeas I’ll Officiate All Ur Weddings, Singing Wicked And All Xoxo #blessed #pride #ally
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#40 When Ur #notengaged But U Have Soup Which Can Honestly Replace A Boyfriend. It’s Warm And Cozy On A Cold Night. It Fulfills Ur Soul. U Can Force A Waiter To Take It Away When Ur Done. It’s Perfect. #blessed
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#41 When Ur #notengaged And Ur Like “Yea Go USA!” And Jaysonnn Is Like “Omg When Did U Learn About Sports? Do U Actually Know Sports? Let Me Ask U This Really Specific Question About Sports To Test If U Really Know About...” But U Cut Jaysonnn Off By Eating Him Alive Because How Bout Nobody Quiz U If Ur Just Happily Enjoying A Game And Bonding In Sportswomanship. I Somehow Managed To Watch The Game Without A Boyfriend Explaining The Rules. Lol But What Do I Know. O The Rules. #blessed Great Game Hope U Get Paid Equally Xo
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#42 When Ur #notengaged Cuz Ur Real True Love Is Curating Cheese Boards And Honestly If Guys Could Be More Like Cheese We Wouldn’t Have Any Problems Here. Silky And Good With A Lil Cocktail. Instead They’re Like “I Don’t Own A Colander But I Have Three Stereos” #blessed
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#43 When Ur #notengaged And U Chipped Ur Nails During The V Stressful Times Of Drinking Mojitos On 12 Foot Clear Waters Swimming Where Aphrodite Sprung From Sea Foam To Be The Goddess Of Love. O Woe Is Me Life Is So Hard Without A Bae. Yes Good Sir These Are My Salty Tears Not The Bright Blue Waters Of The Mediterranean ????? #blessed
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#44 When Ur #notengaged And Ur Havin A Cute Lil Brunch All To Urself Just Like The Time U Dropped Everything To Go To Europe On A Whim For Some ????pastries. And Nobody Was Like “But Babe It’s The Big Game...and I Just Spent All Our Money On Stereos” Mmmmm Memories. Ps If U Want To Celebrate Ur Solo Or Gal Pal Trips, Use Code Notengaged15 For 15% Off At @homesick Link In Bio #blessed #sponsored #travelsolo #itsthebest #youwontregretit
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#45 When Ur #notengaged Havin A Cute Lil Jog Around The Lake (Did I Say Jog I Meant Eating Ice Cream, I Always Mix Those Two) And U’ve Seen A Few Women On Lil Solo Vacays And They’re All Havin A Good Time And Kayakin And Swimmin And ‼️ Look Out Look Out Couple At 3o’clock! They’re Holding Hands I Repeat They R Holding Hands! They R Not Separating They R Gonna Force U To Walk On The Grass So They Get The Sidewalk Alert Alert!! O Goddddddddd #blessed
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#46 When Ur #notengaged And A 22 Year Old Communications Major Who Just Got Engaged Tells U “Don’t Worry U’ll Meet Someone!” Baby Boo Im Meeting The Delivery Man In 15 Min And He Has Onion Rings For Me That’s All I Need. Good Luck I Hope U Had A Frank Conversation About Ur Credit Scores Xo #blessed
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#47 When Ur #notengaged And Ur Just Celebrating This Year’s Accomplishments. #blessed Another Year Down??
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#48 When Ur #notengaged And It’s #newyearseve And Ur Gonna Pop Some Bubbly Cuz U Don’t Have A Hubby And Ur Celebrating To A New Year Of Doin Whatever??you??want??. Cheers Chickpeas. Remember Ur Not The Only One Alone Without A Date Tonight Go To My Stories If U Need A Reminder. Social Media Is A Lie. That Couple In The Post Before Mine Fought This Morning About Toothpaste That’s So Dumb. Xo Be Safe #blessed
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#49 When Ur #notengaged And Guys Sometimes I Joke On Here But This Couple Seriously Just Got Engaged In Front Of Me And Now They R Calling Everyone They Know And It’s A Subway Station And Like People R Trying To Commute And The Train Is Delayed And Ive Heard Their Story Four Times So Im Gonna Find A Huge Batch Of Tacos Covered In Nyquil And Starfish In My Bed And Forget This Ever Happened. #blessed I??can’t??
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#50 When Ur #notengaged Havin A Lil Sunday Scaries Self Care Sundae, Mentally Prepping For Ur Coworkers New Engagement Ring ? Like We Know Ur Engaged Jenna But U Still Have To Submit Ur Expenses By The 3rd Idk What To Tell U #blessed Happy Hanukkah To All Those Celebrating, I Made @smittenkitchen Latkes And They Were ?????????
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#51 When Ur #notengaged Having A Cute Lil Romantic Date With Ur Five Year Plan. Ilu Financial Freedom Im So Glad U Weren’t Compromised By Josh’s “I Have A Great Idea Babe” #blessed
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#52 When Ur #notengaged Catchin Up Over Some Cawfee With Ur Married Friend And She’s Like “Omg Yea We Have So Many Holiday Parties, Like His Family And My Family And His Work And My Work” And Im Like Coolcoolcoolcool Me Too Totally Im Supes Popular ?. But Ur Smart Cuz U Rsvp’d To That One Ur Going To With A Plus 1 So There Will Be Extra Food For U. Gotta Plan Ahead Ladies?? #blessed
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#53 When Ur #notengaged Ur Huddled Under A Blanket And The Blanket Is All Urs And It Doesn’t Have A Giant Logo Of His College Sports Team Because They Weren’t Even Good And They Didn’t Match The Pillows U Picked Out. Go??buy??all??the??pillows And Cute Lil Candles And Fancy Bowls Omg Ladies Just Liveeeee? #blessed
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#54 When Ur #notengaged U Get Home And U Immediately Get In That Sweet Sweet Lil Bed All To Urself Cuz Fighting Off Mansplainers Is Honestly Exhausting. Everyone Have A Good Friday Night Swiping Left. Order Sushi And Call Ur Mom. #blessed
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#55 When Ur #notengaged Havin A Lil Takeout Date Night In With Just U And Ur Savings Account. Ilu Savings Account Thank U For Not Having Withdrawals 4 Multiple Computer Monitors And Whey Powder Xo #blessed
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#56 When Ur #notengaged And Ur On A Nice Lil Cute Lil Date Drinkin Some Hot Toddies And Ur Like O This Is Actually Kinda Nice And Then He’s Like “Oh I’ve Actually Never Read Harry Potter” And Then U Throw Ur Potion In His Face And Storm Out Of There. U Don’t Need That, Girl. Stay Strong. #blessed
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#57 When Ur #notengaged And The First Date Of The New Year Is Starting Off With Definitely The Serial Killer From The Chicago World’s Fair. So My New New Years Resolution Is To Give Up Dating Already. Shucks. Now I’ll Have To Spend My Time On Myself Doing Whatever I Want. #blessed Text U When I Get Home Safe Xo
Image credits: notengaged
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